Chapter One

I didn’t want it to end like this, in flames. I hope you know that. Don’t throw this away, because I’m writing it so that there can be a final flow between you and me. Some trace of information, communication – the evidence of civilisation. Perhaps if we have that, we’ll have everything.

I still have memories, you know. I still remember, you know? All that danger that you put us through. All the death we saw. But at the same time, all the discoveries we made. All the truths I learnt.

No. All the truths you showed me. Because, whatever I said – whatever we both said – I know you did a lot for me. Perhaps I wouldn’t be here, writing this now, if it weren’t for you. Of course, I know that’s true anyway. But if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have had the self-control to do this anyway. You did so much for me.

We talked, didn’t we? I think that was what kept us going for so long. We would always talk, long into the night, and then I’d show you the constellations. And I remember, you’d never be able to find the Dog Star, no matter how hard I tried. It’s night now, and I’m looking out into the sky. I can’t find it. I wonder if it’s a sign. Do you think so?

Where are you now, I wonder? Of course, I know a little of where you are, or this message would never reach you. I suppose after the fight you fled East, like Sara told you to. Did she come with you? I never saw her again, but I suppose she may have been easily killed. I thought you had been, too, but I’ve still got the talent for research that you taught me.

I’m writing this for a reason. It’s not just to have the last word, though I’m sure that’s what you think of me. It’s to explain to you why what happened, happened. In some ways, I suppose it’s to resolve my guilt. Some things, I know, were definitely my fault. Some things that you don’t even know about yet. But at the same time, there were a lot of rumours and lies. A lot of things I’ve been implicated in – I daresay a lot of the things you left me for – I never had a hand in.

So, this is my confession. My confession to you, Jacqueline. My open soul.